Sunday, December 4, 2011

Don't Know Where To Start

It's been so long since my last post, although I've been wanting to blog for a couple of week just thinking about it has made me feel totally overwhelmed as I had no idea what to say.
So I thought the best thing would be just to do a quick post which will hopefully get me back into it a bit and I can then go from there.
The last couple of months have been really tough for me, my depression seemed to come back with a vengeance all of a sudden and nothing I tried helped. I did end up visiting my doctor who put me on medication but they actually made me feel worse, along with some unpleasant side effects, so I stopped taking those a couple of weeks ago. For now I'm just taking it day by day and hoping that one day soon things start to get easier. I'm seeing my doctor on a fortnightly basis to make sure things don't get out of hand and have also been accepted for counselling but unfortunately there's a waiting list so I have about another 2/3 months left to wait I think before that will start.
I've also been in a lot of pain with my coccyx problems again, the pain unfortunately had got to the point where it was a lot worse than before my first operation in April which helped me be more or less pain free for 3 months. Anyway, I'm pleased to say that my consultant agreed to do the same operation again, which I had done on 25th November, and although it's still early days I'm hoping that it's worked again and I might be lucky and get longer than the 3 months relief this time. I'm also waiting to find out if my local NHS Trust will agree for me to be referred out of the Trust to enable me to see if I can actually have my coccyx completely removed. It's a major operation with up to a year recovery afterwards, but my consultant thinks I'm an ideal candidate for it because of my symptoms and reaction to the treatments I've had so far, and as I can't have the op I've just had done again because of the long term side effects then it's really my only option. At first I said there was no way I wanted the removal because of how major it is, but then I got to thinking that I'm 38 now and in chronic pain on a daily basis, with maybe 40 years life left in me. I really don't know if I can handle the thought of another 40 years in this much pain, so maybe up to a year recovery for the big op if it works would be worth it. Anyway, the decision might be taken out of my hands if I'm not approved, so guess I'll just have to wait and see and hope for some relief from the recent operation for now.
Stitching wise I'm afraid I've managed very little over the last couple of months because of the pain. I can't sit in my normal stitching position at the moment and the position I now sit in I can't do for long as I get stiff and achy, so when I have stitched it's just been for a little while, and I've often had several days in a row when I've not even picked it up :( I use my stitching as stress relief and relaxation so it's really hard not to be able to fall back on it like I used to. But I have managed a couple of finishes. First up is the IStitch Mystery SAL which I was determined to keep up with. I stitched this 1x1 on a piece of 28ct unknown hand-dyed fabric using a skein of Vikki Clayton's HDF silk.
My other finish is my 2011 Christmas ornament for our tree. I've stitched an ornie for our tree for as long as I can remember now. This year I told DH and DD that I really didn't think I'd be able to do it because of how little I've been stitching, but when I saw their dismayed faces I knew I had to try. So as this Shepherd's Bush Merry Be came as a kit I thought it would be the easiest option. I really enjoyed stitching it as it turns out, but the finishing cause me a lot of stress! I've never done ribbon edging before and it took me about a week to work myself up to do it, but I'm ecstatic with the results and I've learned several lessons for when I do this sort of finishing again.
I also had a new start but haven't taken a pic yet. Sally and I began a SAL of Lizzie Kate's Six Fat Men a while back and I'm really enjoying it. I've stitched the first chart, Snowed In I think it is, and am about halfway through the next, Snow Friends. Last night I stitched on it for longer than I've stitched in one go in a good while and it felt so good, here's hoping things are starting to improve.
Well, if you're still here and made it through thanks so much. I hope to be back soon with a pic of Six Fat Men, positive news on the operation etc and talk of Christmas which will soon be here!


Hazel said...

Good to hear from you chick. So sorry you are still in so much pain. I really feel for you. Hope things turn out the way you want them to re the op. hugs xxxxxx

Lesleyanne said...

Sorry to hear you are in so much pain and suffering from depression. Your stitching is gorgeous.

Michelle said...

So very sorry to read you are in pain - I hope things will soon be better for you. Wonderful stitching. Sending you lots of love and hugs xx

Christine said...

Sorry to hear you've had such a lot of pain, and that your depression has been bad. Hugs.
Your SAL is very pretty, and the SB ornament is just gorgeous

Sally said...

it's good to see your posting my dear sis. I hope you get lots of relief from your second op and hope the counselling helps you a lot. {{{{hugs}}}}

Love both your finishes. Merry Be is gorgeous and I'm hoping to stitch it before Christmas.

Can't wait to see your L*K. I'm really enjoying it.

Barb said...

Oh dear Lisa not good for you at the moment ,but hope soon things will seem brighter there is light at the end of that tunnel sweetie.
OOhhh love the stitching and I know Sally keeps you on your toes,she does me too!
Take care and we will be hear to read all about it whenever you feel like telling us

Dani - tkdchick said...

Lisa, so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time, physically and emotionally! I hope under the right care you're going to do better and slowly kick the crap out of that depression!

Anonymous said...

so good to see you blogging again Lisa, I feel for you being in so much pain, I can sympathise with you ,as I'm in constant daily pain too, sending gentle hugs x

It's great you've managed even a little stitching some days I can only manage 10 stitches which can be frustrating as I too use it to relax

I love your finished ornie, well done for getting the ruched ribbon finish, I'm still to frightened to try it

take care hun,email me anytime if you need a moan x