Thursday, July 26, 2007

Having A Rough Time

I've not said much about it in my blog until now, but I've suffered with depression on and off for a long time. This time around I'd had it since DD was born 4 1/2 years ago and have been on and off medication during that time.I was doing a lot better, had had counselling which had helped loads, had reduced my meds by half and was feeling quite optimistic about the future. Anyway a couple of months ago I saw another dr about my meds and she suggested that I should now try to come off them, so reduced the dose again by half and said once my supply ended I could stop them altogether. I wasn't confident about doing this but thought it was worth a try. However I forgot to take my tablet one night and the following day I felt terrible. I had the shakes, panic attacks, was sick, headache, thought I was going to faint etc. Since then I've really struggled, I'm tearful all the time again, have a really short temper and am snapping at DD and DH. I feel sick with anxiety, can't get to sleep on a night and generally don't see any point in anything anymore. Even my stitching doesn't relax or cheer me up at the moment. So I did a lot of reading on the internet and found that loads of people had struggled to come of this type of med, having severe withdrawal symptoms, and had only managed by reducing in slow stages, by breaking tablets in half and then quarters. So for the last 10 days I've been doing this, only to get worse and worse and finally last night I couldn't take anymore. Lots of little things seemed to be going wrong lately and then I guess I had the straw that broke the camels back. I got to work this morning only to be told by my boss to go straight to the dr as I looked terrible and she was really worried about me. I got a cancellation straight away thankfully and my meds have been put straight back up to what they were three months ago, plus I have to go for an ECG on Monday as my heart rate and blood pressure are elevated. I feel like I'm on the verge of cracking up and although I so wanted to come off the meds, I know that now is not the time and am just relieved I could see a dr who is understanding and said I'm doing the right thing staying on them. I just feel like a failure though and that I'm never going to be "normal" again. Plus I'm scared about having an ECG and what it might reveal (although the dr is confident it's to do with my meds and that I'm so anxious right now, she just wants to rule anything else out).
So that's the reason why you're not seeing many stitching updates at the moment, and I'm not exactly interesting reading. Hopefully things will start to improve soon....

9 comments:

Lynn said...

Oh Lisa, you are going through a rough time! Don't go feeling like a failure because of the attempt at coming off the meds. My brother was on medication for years for his depression, but he's finaly getting there, it's one of the worse kind of illness's for people to understand but it's real non the less. Take the meds, accept the fact that your going to need them for a while, and try to enjoy life as best you can, you will get there in the end, but not just yet. Big (((Hugs)))

Karen said...

hope you feel better soon and start stitching again

Claire said...

You are not a failure. We all need different types of support to help with life. The meds are obviously doing you some good and you and your body are obviously not ready to stop them.

Huge hugs
Claire

Edda said...

Sorry to hear you have been feeling poorly Lisa. Don´t be hard on yourself. The meds are doing good thing for you so don´t worry - you are not a failure. Hope you get well soon sending lots of cyber hugs your way.

jane said...

Hope you are soon feeling better, my DD has been getting careless about taking her meds and has been going through a really rough time as a result. I was always very sceptical about the value of antidepressants but have seen that they work wonders for her so, if it's what you need then don't be hard on yourself. I am sure there will be a time when you don't need them any more.

Dawn said...

Lisa I hope things improve soon for you! I know a little of what your feeling I had a mild dose of postnatal depression after having Jack and was also on anti-depressants! I was lucky because I didn't take them for too long and just came off them but I can understand how hard it is for you. Most people assume you can just pull yourself together but if it was as easy as that everyone in the world would be happy little bunnys and that is not the case!
I have offered before but if you fancy meeting up for a coffee just email me. It might help to talk!
Huge hugs
Dawn x

Sally said...

Don't feel as though you are a failure Lisa. We all need help from time to time and sometimes it just takes that bit longer. You will get there but don't worry about how long it's taking.{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Julie said...

It's a strange illness Lisa, you seem to be one step forward and 4 steps back a lot of the time, you'll get there in the end, accept the help that is offered (even if it is meds) and take each day at a time, it's the only way to do it. Your stitching bug will come back when you can concentrate

Nice that Dawn lives near you, a good chat over coffee might be a good idea, a new friend might be just what you need
{huggles}

Anonymous said...

Hi there. I'm a fellow cross stitcher who just happened to be surfing and stumbled across this post.

I have struggled my whole life with anxiety and depression, and after what seemed like trying every medication out there plus the endless combinations of the meds, I got some counceling (which helped ALOT) and began taking my "wonder drug" --Effexor XR. This drug has one of the worst withdrawal out there (so I've read). I've been on it for 3 years now, and am doing so much better it's hard to believe that I ever had a problem. When I talked to my doctor about coming off of it, she informed me that many people who take these medications are doing quite well taking them longer term--to life.

No one says you HAVE to stop taking them, hon. If taking the medications helps, than do what helps you. I wish you the best. If you would like to talk, my email is sroberts1974@hotmail.com