Argh! What Have I Done lol

Sally and I were talking the other day after my last blog about going on the wagon again as we both have enough stash to keep us going til god knows when lol. SO, we have decided that as of the 1st Jan we're on the wagon for 3 months!!!! I know, I am mad, but I really need to stop getting more stash for a while, and make some progress on what I do have. Ideally I would like to last longer than the 3 months, my dream is 6 lol, but I'll be very happy with 3 for now. I know that last time I didn't last more than a few days, but I don't care what anyone says, I'm going to do it this time, to prove to myself that I can, not anyone else.
And onto my next decision, less time on the pc. I know I waste a lot of time on the pc just surfing, not really looking at anything specific, so it's got to stop. I'm sure even if I just try it for a week I'll see an amazing difference in the amount of stitching time I have. So you might see less of me on the boards and msn from now on, but I'll still be here and you won't be able to get rid of me altogether. My plan is to maybe stay off the pc altogether after work every other evening, and limit my time on a weekend so I get other things done. We'll see how it goes....
DH starts night shifts for 9 nights today, which neither of us are looking forward to at all. He is going to be exhausted from all those shifts in a row, and I hate being on my own on a night once DD has gone to bed. Plus for the next 3 days DD and I are going to be at home during the day over the New Year as there's nothing really to do, and I'm going to have to keep DD as quiet as possible so we don't wake DH up. Anyway, I'm hoping to keep myself busy on a night with stitching etc, and keep DD busy over the weekend doing her new craft things she got from Santa.

I've Been Thinking Again lol....

This past couple of days I've spent a lot of time thinking about stitching rather than doing it as, with one thing and another, I've been exhausted and not in a fit state to stitch without lots of frogging.
So I've decided that in 2007 I'm going to fight my addiction to the pc lol, and make a LOT more time to make progress with my stitching. Although I have a lot of new things I want to start, I need to make progress on my WIP's, so have decided to make my latch hook rug my focus piece for a while, stitching on it Mon-Fri, and then Sat and Sun I can stitch on whatever I want. I will carry this on until I either get really bored with the rug or until it's finished. Then I will decide on another focus piece and will do the same with that. The idea is that my focus piece will be a WIP I have already, so any new WIP's will only get worked on on a weekend. Hopefully that way I should make good progress with my ongoing WIP's in 2007, even finishing some lol, but still be able to have some new starts and have fun with those.
Now that I've decided this I'm quite excited about getting started so have already dug out the rug, and am aiming to do a bit tonight once DD is in bed. DH also starts nights on the 29th for 9 nights, so I should be able to make good progress then.
I've also been fighting the urge this past couple of days to buy more stash lol. I know, I never change. I keep thinking that I am going to try going on the wagon again until I finish a certain amount of projects or for a certain length of time, but then I think there is no way I can do it, and then I get cross with myself because I know I've already got enough stash to last me three lifetimes lol. What is it about this addiction?!

Merry Xmas!

Here is a pic I finally uploaded from when we took DD to see Santa at the beginning of December, and she helped make it snow lol.
Well, I think we're as ready for tomorrow as we are going to be. All the pressies are wrapped, the cleaning is done, food is bought etc.
To be honest I think I will be glad when it's all over. All the build up and excitement has made me feel a little overwhelmed and I've been feeling quite tearful on and off. Add to that the fact that I haven't stitched for about 10 days, first due to being busy and then due to not being bothered. I really want to stitch but I just can't motivate myself and choose something, so instead I sit here stewing.
Hopefully once tomorrow is over and I can get back to normality the stitching bug will come back, maybe with some new stash to help me along the way lol!
Hope you all have a wonderful Xmas and get all that you wished for plus more.

Just Need To Let It Out And Have A Cry

Before I go any further, I'm not expecting any replies to this, I'm just having a really bad day and am sat here alone in tears, and I need to let it out.
It's DH's work xmas party tonight and I've just taken him there with Erin. She was in floods of tears because she didn't want daddy to go and I had to be strong even though I didn't want him to either. I managed to keep strong until I've just put her to bed, but now I can't stop crying.
I'm 33 years old, been married for 10 years and I know DH loves me, have a gorgeous, intelligent 3 yr old DD, a reasonable job, so why do I feel like I've got nothing.
I know that the monster of depression has got a tight hold of me right now although I can cover it up most of the time, and I do try to take it into account, but I can't blame it for everything.
Everytime DH is out on his own I have thoughts running through my head of what he is doing, even though he's never given me any cause to worry. And I can't help but make digs about it to him and I know he gets really upset with me. I just feel that I don't love myself so why would anyone else?
I go to work, come home and look after Erin, then stitch and watch tv, that's my life. When DH is at home we go out for family days, but I very rarely go out alone, no friends locally, and because I hate the way I look I feel very uncomfortable in public, even at work.
I just think is this what I've got in store for the next 40 years if I'm lucky? What more do I want? I desparately want to lose weight but have so much to lose, almost half my body weight, and everytime I try I give up again soon because food is my escape, and then hate myself that little bit more.
My stitching gives me something to occupy my time, but no-one but my wonderful cyber friends appreciate it. Everytime I show a family member it I just get "oh, that's nice" with a blank expression. I often think why don't I just give up stitching, what's the point if only me appreciates it, but what would I do without it?
I know a lot of people will think that I'm having a pity party and I should pull myself together, and I know they're right, I've got a lot to be thankful for and there are a lot of people in far worse situations than me, so why do I hurt so much....
I just hope today is a one off and I wake up tomorrow feeling better......

I Am In Shock

Over on the Tranquil Stitches BB the wonderful Shirl has been organising something called Santa's Stash & Cash. The idea was that people would contribute any items of stash that they wished, to be split into Santa's Sacks. Members of the BB could then for a small amount purchase chances at winning one of the Sacks, and all the money collected would go into a pot and those who had contributed stash would get chances at winning a share of the cash.
With christmas coming up we haven't got a lot of spare cash, so I sent just a few dollars to purchase chances. I was online this afternoon when Vicki Clayton drew the names of the winners of the sacks for Shirl as an independent person. Now let me tell you, I NEVER win raffles or anything like that, the lottery, bingo, anything, I've always been so unlucky and accepted that was the way it was. Jana won sack 1, Karen won sack 2 and then sack 3 was drawn, and I saw the name Lisa, and on DD's life I couldn't believe it, I was sure they were teasing me! I won sack 3!!!!!!
Now for someone so addicted to stash and always dreaming about more, I am in heaven. I keep going to look at the pics of the sack and the list of things included, and I'm still in a daze. This is going to be one fab parcel to look forward to after christmas!!!!
On the stitching front I've been looking at my stash list again, trying to decide on things I'd like to stitch, or at least start stitching in 2007, and I keep coming back to the same ones, so I've decided to post my list of them and then just go with the flow. If I do well then great, if not I might end up with more WIP's in a year's time hehe.

My Love/Hate Relationship

I love this time of year for the most part, the christmas lights going up, christmas films coming on the tv, christmas music, but then there's getting the house ready, writing cards, wrapping presents etc. I'm really stressed at the moment with everything I've got to do, lots of last minute things to buy, cards to write and pressies to wrap before visiting some family at the weekend, work, and looking after a 3yr old. I feel to be running round in circles and not getting anywhere right now. I have managed to write all my cards except the special ones that I've still got to buy today and wrap most of the presents for the family we're visiting this weekend, so I suppose I'm making progress.... Ho hum, hopefully after this week things will get better.
On a stitching front I've finally finished my first biscornu!! This was a kit I got from Mary Kathryn's website which is a free chart from Dinky Dyes for buying a skein of their silk. The kit included the 28ct fabric, and I added my own beads and flower buttons I had in my stash.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it yet. I'm thinking of giving it to DH's nan as an extra christmas present, but not certain yet, also thinking as it's my first I should keep it for myself.
Don't know what I'm going to work on next. Think the next few nights will be taken up with xmas preparations, but I do need some downtime so will have to think about it. Need something to take with me visiting this weekend....